|What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?|
Stop and apply lubrication.
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home,
having a smoke when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end,
put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: “What’s that?”
Lady 2: “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”
Lady 1: “Where did you get it?”
Lady 2: “You can get them at any drugstore.”
The next day – Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore
and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of
The guy looks at her kind of strangely
(she is, after all, over 80 years of age),
but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: “It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel.”
My girlfriend asked me if I smoked after sex.
I said ‘Dunno. I’ve never looked’
A girl smoked some weed and tried to give me a blowjob.
She just ended up sucking my chest.
She was too high
Selfie Reflection Fails
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four.”
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, “Mirror mirror on the door, make my manhood touch the floor!”
Again, there’s a bright flash……and both his legs fall off.